I think I should start this installment with the biggest taboo… admitting I’m divorced. But you know what, I never had an issue with it, I don’t find it embarrassing, just one of life’s many experiences that I have now ticked off the list (ok, slight joke, I did go into my marriage for the long run rather than to just add it to the list of life goals I’ve completed). Also, I’m not divorced YET, I applied for a divorce in June and it’s been ongoing ever since, I’ve had an easy and amicable (mostly) journey, we are just waiting on a financial consent order to be approved and we are done!
Why are so many people so ashamed to say they are divorced? There were almost 110,000 divorces in England and Wales in 2019, it’s (sadly) a very common occurrence and we all know someone who has been through it, yet I still find that people ask me how I am in a very hushed tone. I wish I could post a picture of their face when they realise that 1) they don’t need to speak as though I’m about to admit my biggest secret and 2) I am probably one of the happiest divorced people in the country.
Another misconception about divorce, or breakups in general, is that the people involved should be heartbroken, which is what has lead me to write about my personal life. Around 3 or 4 weeks after I left my husband and we agreed we weren’t getting back together, I found myself on google typing in ‘why don’t I miss my husband?’ And ‘why am I happier after a breakup?’. I couldn’t find an answer and I was left totally confused, I was wondering if perhaps I was just feeling numb and a wave of emotion would hit me later down the line, but it didn’t.
I get waves of anger, anger that I felt I wasted my life on someone who turned out to be not that good for me. But the anger often disappears when I remember without those years, I wouldn’t have my dream job, I wouldn’t have been able to save enough money to buy the house I’d been dreaming of, and most importantly, I wouldn’t have my beloved dog, Baxter.
So this is a breakup blog with a twist, not one oozing in heartbreak and tears, but one that is about my journey, marrying the same boyfriend I had my whole life and knowing I would regret it down the line. I have had a lot of men and women in my inbox the last few months that are in the same boat, wanting to leave but perhaps not having a reason to. But ladies and gentlemen… news flash! You don’t need a reason to leave, your heart, feelings, and peace of mind are just as important as anything else!
I don’t want this blog to be one of hatred for the other party (I don’t hate him), I want it to show the development of being very unhappy within a relationship, to blossoming on the other side.